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Troubled Marriages Can Affect How The Whole Family Interacts

Author : Stephen Daniels

No matter how hard we try, many families have periods when it feels like everything is falling apart. These periods will almost inevitably lead to struggle, confusion, and even withdrawal. All too often, as conflicts escalate, the couple might be best to consider turning to family counseling, marriage counseling, and/or couples counseling. Sometimes an outsider can better understand how and why the healthy dynamics have gone awry.

It takes a lot to keep a family unit operating smoothly. No matter how strong the foundation may be, there are invariably differences in personalities, goals, and expectations that will create issues. The depth and breadth of these problems, even if they are not extreme, can cause rifts that are hard to understand and properly navigate.

In addition to internal family dynamics, outside influences such as economic downturns, difficulty at work and problems dealing with extended family can put a lot of pressure on what may be an already fragile family dynamic. Injuries, loss of a job, or death of a loved one can add stress that can be the "straw that broke the camel's back."

Often what happens when couples struggle is the stresses cause them to begin to lose their grasp on the basic tenets of their previously healthy relationship. The love, support, and affection that were so easy in the early stages of the relationship become taken for granted. Vitally important details such as remembering how to effectively communicate and how to compromise sometimes get lost when, for instance, children arrive on the scene, and every aspect of life suddenly revolves around the little ones.

Of course, changes in the couple's interactions will inevitably affect the lives of the children and the health of the family unit. A common problem - differences in child-raising philosophies can cause serious rifts in relationships.

When it feels like life is just too complicated, perhaps it is time to seek help from a family counselor. They are trained to help families cope with difficulties and to assist the individuals in finding ways to deal with stresses big and small.

Counselors will tackle problems based on their styles, their training, and the method that seems to best suit not only the situation, but also the individuals involved. Each family member should be heard - even children if they are at the root of, or are noticeably affected by the problems. Ideally the family unit is taught methods to move forward as a cohesive unit. In sessions, everyone is expected and encouraged to participate, communicate, and to do the work needed to bring about solutions. Frequently the "work" is homework, special tasks or exercises that are assigned by the counselor.

Getting the perfect counselor for your family will take effort. The first meeting should be as much about interviewing the counselor to make sure that the couple feels comfortable enough to open their souls to someone they don't know - as it is about discussing the problems. Credentials matter, but empathy and the capability to listen and really hear each person who is talking is perhaps even more important.

Other aspects to the selection process include:

• Location - ease of getting to appointments

• Fees

• Years of experience in working with problems like yours

• Male or female - this could matter to either yourselves or your children

• Referrals - most people tend to instinctively trust more someone who has helped a friend

Most people are in touch enough with their instincts to know when they have found the right person or persons (There are situations where a different therapist for each party might be the best solution for your situation.)

Once the "right" counselor is found, the therapy and healing can begin. Re-creating healthy family dynamics is an end goal worth a lot of effort - so when it feels like a family unit is in trouble, seeking counseling could be the wisest investment of time and funds your family could make.

Author's Resource Box

If you or someone you know is in need of couples counseling in San Clemente, internet marketing strategist Stephen Daniels recommends South OC Couseling. This therapist has years of experience helping couples re-create a loving, nurturing relationship for themselves and their families.

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Tags:   san clemente family counseling, san clemente marriage counseling, couples counseling in San Clemente

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Submitted : 2011-01-29    Word Count : 1    Times Viewed: 305